When we love someone, we try to save them from pain, but after many warnings, some time you have to let them touch the stove to find out it is hot. Pain is actually a blessing. It is a warning that can save you from death. When you hurt you tend to stop doing what ever it was that caused the pain; you pull away from the hot stove and remember not to touch it again. Without pain you will never change from destructive behavior.
Unfortunately, our culture is working at break-neck speed to remove all opportunities for pain; it will ultimately lead to our destruction. To constantly shelter your loved ones from pain can be very un-loving. We see these kinds of results every day. Sheltering children by a hovering parent wishing to show love is actually hurting the child so that they grow up not learning how to handle a bully, or lose at sports, or how to handle rejection or false rumors spread by jealous peers. When these everyday events happen, the child cannot cope. They feel the world is coming to an end and they will never recover; their lives are over. Some actually will end their precious lives over such temporary abrasions. We are seeing these things everyday now; it will get worse.
My growing stories are in the book, A Different Kind of Tree; I had some destructive behaviors that needed to be changed. Though I didn’t have a clue at the time, my wife being mad but not leaving me and not sheltering me from the pain of destructive behavior was actually very loving for it helped me to gain perspective over my actions. Have you ever glued your fingers together with super glue? Painful to separate your fingers, can you imagine gluing your eye lids down? Yes, it can be painful to see clearly again. The greater the pain, the greater the contrasts of perspective; I was slowly gaining some perspective…yet I needed more pain in order to change my destructive ways…for me the pain was coming!